"Poke"

-The Frightened Rabbit

I love depressing end-of-love songs, even though I don't ever want to have that ever with Sandi, it seems to mirror the expression of my soul just so. Like how I can only read elegies.

How did I used to do this? I guess the answer is a type of distance. Between myself and the world around me and no real way to approach or bridge that gulf. And I have no need... since I always have somebody to talk to about anything. I've been writing all of this for years for her, so what's the point of continuing? I still don't know, but I'm growing self-conscious at what I perceive as a dimming mental acuity. It is as if I am discovering a realm of sensitivity to people which, while illuminating, distracts me from unraveling the writhing mess of confusion and angst living within myself. I'm also somehow more self-conscious, more vulnerable now than when I had nothing, which is a weird feeling. I'm suddenly strikingly conservative, like when I looked at my first paycheck and saw how much of my money was going to the government each month. And I'm afraid to lose even the meanest gain.